How to Get Rid of Worry Series: Step Four - Master Your Mind

The time has come to take control of your thinking and to choose where you focus your thoughts. You have the ability to put an end to destructive mental chatter and adopt a positive inner dialogue. You can do so by adding the fourth step in the CALM process:

M = Master your Mind

One of the ways to master your mind is to accentuate the positive. But how do you do that when you’re smack-dab in the middle of a worrisome situation? The trick is to stop focusing on what might go wrong and instead ask yourself: What might go right?

This is an important habit to master, because when you dwell on what might not work out, you compound your worries. However, when you direct your thoughts in the other direction, you calm yourself. Does focusing on what might go right mean that you pretend the negatives don’t exist? Not at all--you simply choose to avoid being consumed by them. Instead, you emphasize what’s good, knowing that this will give you the hope, inspiration and determination to believe in the possibility of a favorable outcome, and in doing so, soothe your worried mind.

Another way to accentuate the positive is to ask yourself: What is the hidden blessing? Often hidden in even your most difficult experiences, are incredible gifts that can benefit you in significant ways. Looking for the blessing in a bleak situation can go a long way toward cultivating inner peace. Don’t get me wrong--I’m not suggesting that you need to be smiling all the time. Life has its ups and downs, and during those down times, it’s okay to feel frustrated. But let’s face it, as tempting as it can be, if you dwell on the negatives too long, you’ll only feel worse. However, when you choose to find the blessing, in addition to freeing your mind from worry, you’ll also discover gifts which can help you to create the best you that you can be and the best life you can possibly live.

Next time you find yourself in the middle of a stressful situation, take control of your thinking by accentuating the positive. Ask yourself: What might go right? What is the hidden blessing? See for yourself how these questions can help you shift your outlook from negative to positive and calm your worried mind.

How to Get Rid of Worry Series: Step Three - Let Go of the Uncontrollable

If you’re afraid that letting go of worry will be impossible, let me assure you that you can kick the habit, no matter who you are, where you’ve been, or what you’re going through. This former chronic worrier did, and you can, too!

So far in this How to Get Rid of Worry series, you’ve learned to: Challenge Your Assumptions and Act to Control the Controllable. Now we’re moving onto the third step in the CALM process:

L = Let Go of the Uncontrollable

In CALM, you’ll find 52 worry-busting strategies that have helped me and thousands of others who have attended my seminars and keynotes over the years to kick the worry-habit. Some of them will help you erase your anxieties. Others have been designed to help your body recover from the physical toll that stress takes on it. 

Here are three strategies you can implement today to help you kick the worry habit:

• Eliminate worry-inducing words from your vocabulary. Words such as should, can’t, no one, everyone, always, and never create a great deal of anxiety. Write down what you’re stressed about and circle all the worry-inducing words. Then replace them with terms such as could, prefer, can, choose not to, some people, sometimes, and occasionally. These replacement words are calming and they also tend to be more accurate.

• Trust yourself. You’ve already handled everything that life has dealt to you; trust you’ll be able to handle whatever else comes your way. Affirm: I have the skills I need to solve problems. I have survived and thrived beyond challenges in the past, and I trust that if the need arises, I can do it again!

• Have faith in happy endings. Calm your mind today by imagining the best for tomorrow. Click here to read a past blog post on how to do just that.

This week, while you’re letting go of the uncontrollable, continue acting to control the controllable and challenging your assumptions. There is one more step to add to the mix and that is to Master your Mind. Next week, you’ll find out how to use that fourth step to guard against negative thinking. Until then, keep well!

How to Get Rid of Worry Series: Step Two (Cont'd) - Take Action for the Right Reasons

In the last post, you learned sometimes worry serves you and the value of taking action to control the things you can. To help you follow through on your action plan when you’re faced with fear of displeasing others, you want to ensure you take action for the right reasons.

Take Action for the Right Reasons

There are two types of actions. There are things you do for the wrong reasons, such as what you think others want you to do. Then there are actions you take for the right reasons, such as doing what you know is right for you. Sometimes those are the most frightening steps to take, but they’re also the ones that have the most significant impact on the quality of your life. 

I certainly understand how hard it can be to do what’s right for you when faced with the possibility of being judged. For that reason, here are two strategies to help deal with criticism--that I wrote about in book CALM:

• Consider the source. Who’s criticizing you? is it someone you trust, who you know loves you and wants the best for you? Or is it a “small thinker”? There will always be those people in the world who want to knock you down with their negative outlook. Don’t waste your energy trying to figure out why they judge you--it’s an unsolvable puzzle with missing pieces. Instead, invest your energy searching for people who inspire you, believe in you, and accept you for who you are.

• Care about what you think of yourself. You always have the choice between being concerned about what others think of you and caring about what you think of yourself. I strongly recommend that you choose the latter. Don’t sacrifice your life trying to please others. As my mom often said, “The people who love you are going to like you no matter what you do. But there will aways be some people who won’t like you no matter what you do. You can’t please everybody.” It’s time to stop trying to make everyone else happy and to begin being good to yourself.

The next time the fear of displeasing others or receiving criticism is stopping you from doing what you know is right for you, remember to consider the source and care about what you think of yourself. This will go a long way in helping you take action for the right reasons. 

While you’re taking action to control the controllable and while you’re continuing to challenge your assumptions, you’re ready to move on to the third step in the CALM process...and let go of the uncontrollable. The third step will help you to let go of worrying about those things that are beyond your control. It will be on it’s way to you next week. Until then, keep well!

For more information, click here.

How to Get Rid of Worry - Step Two: Act to Control the Controllable

If there was a way you could stop worrying and truly move forward in your life, wouldn’t you want to know about it? There is! The CALM process, outlined in this How to Get Rid of Worry series, is a simple yet powerful formula that will help you to stop worrying and reconnect with the inner peace you desire and deserve.

Last month, we looked at the first step: Challenge Your Assumptions. For many of your worries, challenging negative assumptions will be all you need to do in order to regain your inner peace. However if you’ve done so and still feel worried, move on to the next step in the CALM process: 

A = Act to Control the Controllable

Sometimes worry is prompting you to take action. For instance, concern about your health might be pushing you to see a doctor, consult a nutritionist, or start an exercise program. Stress over your lengthy do-to list might be urging you to delegate, prioritize, or take a time-management course. Financial worries might be compelling you to see a financial advisor, start tracking where you're spending your money, or talk to a credit counsellor.

Is your worry prompting you to take action? Brainstorm alone or with a partner and come up with a list of possible actions that your worries might be suggesting you take. Capture your ideas in writing--it will keep you focused and on track. 

With your action plan in place, you’ll now need courage and motivation to follow through. In CALM, the section on Act to Control the Controllable contains four questions designed to guide you in deciding whether the action you’re considering is worth taking. It also teaches you how to let go of the fears that can stop you from taking action, and gives you ideas that will put the powers of belief and influence to work for you. 


Next week, I’ll send you one of those techniques to help you move forward. Until then, keep challenging your assumptions and taking action to control the controllable! In doing so you'll discover one step at a time, one worry at a time, you'll calm your worried mind.