Forgot Why You Came?

Have you ever walked into a room with a purpose only to forget what that purpose was when you entered the room? We've all had it happen. University of Notre Dame Psychology Professor, Gabriel Radvansky, has discovered the reason why it occurs.

It's called an "event boundary." The doorway you walk through acts as a mental trigger to separate the thoughts you had in the previous room. It causes your mind to compartmentalize those thoughts making it difficult to remember why you entered the next room.

Understanding why things happen the way they do can help you to break through beliefs that are holding you back. For instance, think back to a time when you forgot why you entered a room. Did you jump to a negative assumption about yourself? Perhaps you said, "I'm so forgetful." Maybe you told yourself, "I'm getting old!"

Those kinds of thoughts are non-physical trappings that keep you stuck and struggling. Yet, now you know those thoughts were not true. It wasn't you that caused your mind to forget, it was the doorway! With the awareness of the truth, it becomes easier to drop the negative assumptions about yourself.

It's time to free yourself from thoughts and belief systems that are holding you back from living your best and happiest life. Join me on January 16, 2013 in Whitby, ON. Allow the doorway of the Whitby Courthouse Theatre to become an "event boundary" in which your daily, repetitive thoughts are filed away for an evening providing you with a blank slate for new decisions and actions--decisions and actions that will empower you to create your best life.

Until then, the next time you forget why you entered a room, be thankful for the mental blank slate the doorway has created; and, remember--what gets written on that slate next is up to you.

Over 50% Sold Out!!!

Denise Marek's new seminar also makes a meaningful gift idea for a friend, family member, or work party gift exchange, stocking stuffer, and/or a gift to share the joy of a transformed 2013!

Your Life, Your Design

Your Life, Your Design is the one program that will truly ignite the courage within you to live your best life. In this 90-minute seminar, you'll:

#1. Learn how to get from where you are now to exactly where you want to be.

#2. Release anything that's getting in the way of what you want to do, be, or have.

#3. Uncover your true authentic self.

#4. Gain the courage to live the life of your heart's desires.

#5. Free yourself from non-physical trappings, such as unhealthy thinking and negative belief systems.

#6. Let go of the fears that keeps you stuck and struggling.

#7. Uncover what you truly want and move forward into a happier future.

#8. Discover your purpose and gain true fulfillment.

Where? When? How Much?

This step by step journey to designing--and living--your best life takes place on:

Wednesday, January 16, 2013

7pm - 8:30pm

Whitby Courthouse Theatre

416 Centre St. South

Whitby, ON

Introductory Price

$49/Person

Or make two easy payments of $24.50/month

Please forward this message to your friends! In fact . . . 

When you purchase 3 or more tickets, we reduce your ticket price to$39/person!

Over 50% Sold Out!

Don't miss this -- Because this introductory rate is so low combined with the fact that theatre seating is limited to 160, you'll want to book today -- this life-changing seminar will sell out!

Mastercard and Visa are accepted

To Register:

Call 1-877-553-7397

 or

Email: operator@denisemarek.com

How to Get Rid of Worry Series: Step Three - Let Go of the Uncontrollable

If you’re afraid that letting go of worry will be impossible, let me assure you that you can kick the habit, no matter who you are, where you’ve been, or what you’re going through. This former chronic worrier did, and you can, too!

So far in this How to Get Rid of Worry series, you’ve learned to: Challenge Your Assumptions and Act to Control the Controllable. Now we’re moving onto the third step in the CALM process:

L = Let Go of the Uncontrollable

In CALM, you’ll find 52 worry-busting strategies that have helped me and thousands of others who have attended my seminars and keynotes over the years to kick the worry-habit. Some of them will help you erase your anxieties. Others have been designed to help your body recover from the physical toll that stress takes on it. 

Here are three strategies you can implement today to help you kick the worry habit:

• Eliminate worry-inducing words from your vocabulary. Words such as should, can’t, no one, everyone, always, and never create a great deal of anxiety. Write down what you’re stressed about and circle all the worry-inducing words. Then replace them with terms such as could, prefer, can, choose not to, some people, sometimes, and occasionally. These replacement words are calming and they also tend to be more accurate.

• Trust yourself. You’ve already handled everything that life has dealt to you; trust you’ll be able to handle whatever else comes your way. Affirm: I have the skills I need to solve problems. I have survived and thrived beyond challenges in the past, and I trust that if the need arises, I can do it again!

• Have faith in happy endings. Calm your mind today by imagining the best for tomorrow. Click here to read a past blog post on how to do just that.

This week, while you’re letting go of the uncontrollable, continue acting to control the controllable and challenging your assumptions. There is one more step to add to the mix and that is to Master your Mind. Next week, you’ll find out how to use that fourth step to guard against negative thinking. Until then, keep well!

How to Get Rid of Worry - Step Two: Act to Control the Controllable

If there was a way you could stop worrying and truly move forward in your life, wouldn’t you want to know about it? There is! The CALM process, outlined in this How to Get Rid of Worry series, is a simple yet powerful formula that will help you to stop worrying and reconnect with the inner peace you desire and deserve.

Last month, we looked at the first step: Challenge Your Assumptions. For many of your worries, challenging negative assumptions will be all you need to do in order to regain your inner peace. However if you’ve done so and still feel worried, move on to the next step in the CALM process: 

A = Act to Control the Controllable

Sometimes worry is prompting you to take action. For instance, concern about your health might be pushing you to see a doctor, consult a nutritionist, or start an exercise program. Stress over your lengthy do-to list might be urging you to delegate, prioritize, or take a time-management course. Financial worries might be compelling you to see a financial advisor, start tracking where you're spending your money, or talk to a credit counsellor.

Is your worry prompting you to take action? Brainstorm alone or with a partner and come up with a list of possible actions that your worries might be suggesting you take. Capture your ideas in writing--it will keep you focused and on track. 

With your action plan in place, you’ll now need courage and motivation to follow through. In CALM, the section on Act to Control the Controllable contains four questions designed to guide you in deciding whether the action you’re considering is worth taking. It also teaches you how to let go of the fears that can stop you from taking action, and gives you ideas that will put the powers of belief and influence to work for you. 


Next week, I’ll send you one of those techniques to help you move forward. Until then, keep challenging your assumptions and taking action to control the controllable! In doing so you'll discover one step at a time, one worry at a time, you'll calm your worried mind.

How to Get Rid of Worry - Step One: Challenge Your Assumptions

No matter how much you’ve worried in the past or are doing so right now, you can let go of this emotion. I know you can, because I did. I was once a chronic worrier. I fretted about my weight and appearance, making mistakes, my job, money, and being alone. Was I loveable, likeable, or good enough? You name it, and I worried about it.

Yet here I am today-a nonworrier. I’m calm, content, and filled with joy. If I could get here, you can, too! During this How to Get Rid of Worry series, you’ll discover the strategies that really helped me. If you apply these same techniques to your own life, you’ll stop worrying. It’s that simple. This month, we’ll focus on the first step.

C = Challenge Your Assumptions: 

Most worries often begin as “What-if” questions. What if my kids make bad choices? What if I don’t have enough money to pay the bills? What if I try and don’t succeed? What if? What if? What if?

Anytime you answer those scary questions with a negative assumption, an enormous amount of worry can set in. That’s why the first step in the CALM process is so crucial: Challenge your assumptions. But how do you go about dong that? After all, they’re what makes sense to you, so how can you break free? 

In my book CALM, you can read about six “assumption busting” questions that will help you challenge your own assumptions. Here’s one you can use right now: Is it probable? 

Often when we’re dwelling on things that could go wrong, we ask Is it possible that what I’m worried about will happen? The answer is yes, of course it’s possible--anything can happen. That’s why, when we think about the unlimited options of what might go wrong in any given situation, an enormous amount of anxiety can set it. To regain your inner peace, shift the query to Is it probable? In other words, you can wonder, Is it likely that what I’m worried about will happen? By simply changing the focus in this small way, you’ll gain a better perspective. Try it for yourself:

Step 1: Write down the thing that you’re worried might happen.

Step 2: Rate the probability of it actually happening on a scale of 1 to 10. (1 = least likely to happen; 10 = most likely to happen.)

• Did you rate your worry a 5 or less? That’s a pretty good indication that what you’re worried about won’t happen.

• Did you rate your worry a 9 or less? It’s estimated that at least 90 percent of the things you’re concerned about won’t happen. Even if you rated the probability at a 9, there’s a good change that what’s making you anxious still isn’t going to occur.

• Did you rate your worry a 10? If this is the case, you feel that this scenario is extremely likely to happen. But there’s hope: The next three steps in the CALM process will help you let go of your anxieties--even the ones with a 10 rating!

Next month we will move onto the second step in the CALM process: Act to Control the Controllable. Until then, continue to challenge your assumptions so that you can reconnect with the inner peace that worry crowds out.

For more information: Visit www.denisemarek.com

Are You an Impeccable Communicator?

My 7-year-old niece Erin came up to my brother-in-law, a worried expression on her face, “Do you know what would be really sad? It would be really sad if both you and mom died.” She told him she had been worrying that if they both died, she would be shipped off to live with people she didn’t know.

My brother-in-law comforted her by saying, “It’s not very likely that something will happen to both me and mom; but we do have a plan just in case something happens.” He talked to her about wills and that if something happened to both my sister and him, she would live with me—Auntie Denise.

When my sister told me the story, I asked, “Did that make her feel better?”

“Better?” she said with a smile, “She’s probably poisoning my tea as we speak!”

Honest and open communication is a key component in clearing up the negative assumptions that can generate worry. To be the very best leader possible—whether you’re leading your family, community, or those in your organization—you’ve got to become an impeccable communicator. That means you’ve got to make yourself capable of telling the truth.

This takes courage because sometimes you’ll need to tell people things they might not want to hear and sometimes you’ll need to talk about things you’re not sure they can handle. My brother-in-law, for instance, could have decided his 7-year-old daughter wasn’t ready to hear about wills and simply said, “Don’t worry; nothing will happen to both of us.” Yet what do you suppose would have occurred if that major part of the puzzle had been withheld? Erin would have been left to draw her own conclusions—which would likely have been incorrect—and she would have continued to worry.

The same holds true in the workplace. When leaders are not open and honest about where they’re going, what’s not working, and what changes need to be made, rumours spread. People are left to draw their own conclusions, which can end up creating a lot of fear and confusion. It’s like Jack Welch said at the 2006 World Business Forum in New York City during his talk on strategy: “No secrets or cover ups. You’ve got to tell the truth. Cover ups cause most of the problems.”  One of those problems is worry.

What if the information you have to tell people is potentially frightening news? Doesn’t that just create more worry and anxious feelings? In this case, people will be dealing with the facts instead of negative assumptions and are then in a position to take action in controlling the things within their control—which goes a long way to help calm a worried mind.

Choose to help others eliminate the negative assumptions that cause stress and worry by becoming an impeccable communicator. Give the facts and tell the truth. Allow your open and honest approach to give those you live with, love, and lead, the peace of mind they deserve.