Pretty Like Mommy; Smart Like Daddy

by Denise Marek

If you had asked me a year ago whether I'd been limited by societal biases against women in business and leadership, I would have replied, "No." However, after studying this topic, my answer has changed. 

Part of the shift occurred as I became consciously aware of the many cultural messages which began in my childhood – and were reinforced throughout my life – that had me aiming below my full potential. These messages were so deeply rooted, I wasn't aware of how pervasively they were blocking me. 

Sheryl Sandberg writes about some of these cultural messages in her book Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead. She writes: "Gymboree once sold onesies proclaiming 'Smart like Daddy' for boys and 'Pretty like Mommy' for girls. The same year, J.C. Penney marketed a T-shirt for teenage girls that bragged, 'I'm too pretty to do homework so my brother has to do it for me.' These things did not happen in 1951. They happened in 2011." 

These kinds of messages not only encourage superficial traits, they actually swerve into discouraging leadership. As Sandberg suggests, "When a girl tries to lead, she is often labeled bossy. Boys are seldom called bossy because a boy taking the role of a boss does not surprise or offend." Authority figures silence female voices; then, women silence themselves because they want to be accepted. "They [young women] are rewarded for being "pretty like Mommy" and encouraged to be nurturing like Mommy too." ³

It's no longer a mystery to me why I spent more time counting calories throughout my life than I did striving to fulfil my true calling. I'd been programmed to believe that men must be the powerful providers and women must be the attractive, nurturing caregivers. That brings me back to the change in my answer. 

Yes, in my life I have been limited by societal biases concerning women in business and leadership. Yet I admit part of the limitation was caused by my own lack of knowledge. Now that I'm aware of my subconscious blocks, I can move forward. I can move forward knowing that being an intelligent, capable leader doesn’t make me bossy or a bully; it makes me an intelligent, capable leader. I can move forward and help raise up other women to become all they can possibly become ... and so can you!

You can help other women – your daughters, your wives, your female colleagues – to move forward. One way is by consciously choosing the words you use when describing them or introducing them to others. While words such as "beautiful", "warm", "outgoing", and "helpful" might feel complimentary, remind yourself that these kinds of messages can encourage superficial traits and discourage leadership. However, words such as "highly skilled", "essential", "brilliant", and "intelligent" can convey messages that help to build up future leaders, regardless of their gender. It's in all of our hands to close the leadership gap and to encourage more women to reach their full potential. 

¹ [(New York: Alfred A. Knopf, 2013), at p. 19.]

² [(New York: Alfred A. Knopf, 2013), at p. 19.]

³ [(New York: Alfred A. Knopf, 2013), at p. 21.]

Here's to Your Monumental Growth and Success

When you plant a seed, it takes a while to see growth. The same is true in your life. Even when you can't see any visible changes, where you continue to fertilize and water, an immense root system is developing. That magnificent root system will support your monumental growth.

 

This Asian Bamboo species will inspire you. After five years of watering and fertilizing the seed of this particular species of bamboo, only a minuscule amount of growth appears above the ground. Five years! After those five years of watering and fertilizing, the plant suddenly begins to grow so fast that you can actually hear it growing. You can hear it because it's growing at a rate of two and a half feet a day! After a period of about six weeks, it grows to 90 feet and higher.

 

Vic Johnson writes about this bamboo plant in his book, Day by Day with James Allen, and he poses this question:

 

Did the bamboo grow 90 feet in six weeks or did it grow 90 feet in five years?

 

The answer, of course, is: It grew 90 feet in five years.

 

Apply this philosophy to the seeds you're planting in your life. At the beginning, it may seem as if your efforts aren't really making much of a difference. However, by consistently putting one foot in front of the other, one day you'll be able to look back in amazement at how far you've actually come.

 

The key is to keep going--never give up! Continue to fertilize and water your dreams. Take consistent action and trust in your ability to succeed. Yes, there may be enormous obstacles on your path; but, you also have enormous power to overcome those obstacles. In fact, today, you're stronger and wiser than you've ever been before. You're 100% capable of staying the course.

 

If there is something you truly want for your life, today is the day to plant the seed. "Fertilize" and "water" it regularly. Continue to nurture that magnificent root system and prepare for your monumental growth and success!

Drop the Fallback Plan

What is your best advice for a budding entrepreneur?

 

That's the question I asked Jason Atkins, President and CEO of 360 Incentives. I was very interested in his response because Jason understands what it takes to succeed. In fact, his company recently secured a $7.65 million investment led by OMERS Ventures and it was named one of Deloitte's "Fast 50" companies to watch for 2013.

What was Jason's answer? He said, "Jump two feet in. You've got to go all in. Don't make a fallback plan." He explained when he started 360 Incentives he made the decision "to be successful or die trying."

Here is my interpretation of what he said: You must believe you'll succeed. Creating a fallback plan plants a seed in your mind that you don't really believe you'll be victorious. What you believe will become your future. If you believe you'll succeed, you'll find success. If you believe you'll fail, you'll find failure.

This doesn't mean you take foolish risks or that by believing you'll succeed you will not experience any challenges. You must have challenges in your life--and you will have them. That's how you grow, learn, and become better. It also keeps your life from being predictable and dull.

Going "all in" when it comes to following your dreams--whether your dream is to start a new business, get into the best shape of your life, or create abundance and happiness--means you believe what you're trying to achieve is possible and you trust in your ability to transform those dreams into reality.

Will you be afraid sometimes? Of course. It's part of being human. But, don't let the fear stop you. Don't let fear stop you from stepping up to the plate and taking action. Run into your fear. Run into your dreams. You really can succeed at living and creating your very best life.

What if you don't know exactly what it is you want? What if fear is keeping you stuck? Or, what if you do know what you want but are unsure of how to get from where you are now to exactly where you want to be?

Your Life, Your Design seminar on DVD, featuring Denise Marek, has the answers for you. During this power-packed presentation, Denise will take you on a step by step journey to designing--and living--your best and happiest life.

Your Life, Your Design

NOW on DVD!

Your Life, Your Design is the one program that will truly ignite the courage within you to move forward and change your life forever. In this 70-minute seminar on DVD, you'll:

#1. Learn how to get from where you are now to exactly where you want to be.

#2. Release anything that's getting in the way of what you want to do, be, or have.

#3. Uncover your true authentic self.

#4. Gain the courage to live the life of your heart's desires.

#5. Free yourself from unhealthy thinking and negative belief systems.

#6. Let go of the fears that keeps you stuck and struggling.

#7. Uncover what you truly want and move forward into a happier future.

#8. Discover 6 ways to banish doubt.

 

Introductory Price

$39.95 + HST

(Includes Shipping!)

(Regular Price $59.95)

Mastercard and Visa are accepted

 

To Order:

 

Call 1-877-553-7397

 or

Email: operator@denisemarek.com

It's YOUR Turn for One Heck of a Great Ride!

You were born for greatness. Yes, I'm talking to you! You were born with the ability to fulfill your goals. It's not a coincidence you're reading this today. I believe you're reading this because now is the time. You're ready to begin making your dreams come true.

1. Believe in your inevitable success.

If there is something you want to achieve in your life, believe it's possible. Though others may try to dissuade you and sometimes the odds may seem stacked against you, do not give up. Instead, believe in your inevitable success.

2. Combine belief with action.

The key to achieving your highest aspirations is to combine belief with action. Belief without action is not enough. Let's face it, you can't win if you aren't in the race. On the flip side, action without belief is not enough; it's the belief that you can achieve your goals that will help you to continue taking action when faced with obstacles. Think of it this way: If you believe a goal is not possible, you will probably talk yourself out of taking action or into giving up when the going gets tough. On the other hand, if you believe it is possible, it will prompt you to at least consider taking action, which improves your odds of actually taking action and of staying the course when challenges arise.

3. Back your belief and action with perseverance.

There's something you've been wanting to achieve. What is it? What is that longing in your heart? Whatever it is, believe in yourself and in your inevitable success. Combine that belief with action and throw in perseverance. When you combine belief with action and back it with perseverance, there is no limit to what you can accomplish!

One last thing . . . remember to have fun on the journey. That way, when you reach your goals and fulfill your dreams, you'll smile in delight and say, "That was one heck of a great ride!"

Join Denise Marek April 2013

Transform Worry into Inner Peace

Women in Business and Leadership Conference

April 22 and 23, 2013

White Oaks Conference Resort & Spa

Niagara-on-the-Lake, ON

By joining Denise at the Women in Leadership and Business Conference conference you will surround yourself with the latest information, tools and most importantly, people who can help you:

• Refocus your career and business goals

• Get out of your rut or grow you to the 'next level'

• Presentation options, paths and tools for your next steps

• Connect with the RIGHT people and communities to support you in your next steps.

Whether you are a CEO, senior or middle manager, entrepreneur or young emerging leader, WIL-B offers you dynamic presenters, (including; Amanda Lang of the Lang & O'Leary Exchange, Denise Marek, Patricia Fripp, and more), refreshingly relevant topics and the chance to advance yourself while connecting with other inspiring business women. Learn more about this exciting conference www.wilbconference.com

Change Your Posture, Change Your Mind

"We know that our minds change our bodies; but, is it also true that our bodies change our minds?" 

The above question was posed by social psychologist, Amy Cuddy, in her talk, Your Body Language Shapes Who You Are. The answer is a resounding yes! Science proves that standing in a posture of confidence--even when you don't feel confident--can actually increase your chance for success.

The reason is that high-power posing changes the physiological make-up of your brain. It increases your testosterone and decreases cortisol (stress hormone) levels. These hormone changes lead to feeling more confident, powerful, optimistic, assertive, less stressed, and increases your willingness to take risks...all in only two minutes!

Cuddy tells about an interesting study in which participants were asked to spit into a vile to measure hormone levels and then pose for two minutes in either a low-power pose or a high-power pose.

A low-power pose is a posture in which you make yourself "smaller." Hunching, folding arms, crossing legs and ankles, slouching, or any other posture that makes you take up less space are some common low-power poses.

A high-power pose is a posture in which you make yourself "bigger." Stretching out, crossing arms behind the head, extending the arms, standing with hands on hips, standing in a victory pose with arms raised over the head (like the one I included in this article which was taken after a personal victory of running my first 6-mile marathon), or any posture that makes you take up more space are examples of high-power poses.

 

After posing for two minutes, participants were asked to spit into a vile again. Here are the incredible results:

Testosterone levels changed:

High-Power Posers = 20% increase

Low-Power Posers = 10% decrease

Cortisol (Stress Hormone) levels changed:

High-Power Posers = 20% decrease

Low-Power Posers = 15% increase

Given the opportunity to gamble:

High-Power Posers were 86% willing to gamble

Low-Power Posers were 60% willing to gamble

(The increased willingness to gamble indicates that risk tolerance increases in high-power posers.)

Your body does change your mind. Your posture tells your brain you're either powerful or stressed. How can you benefit from this insightful research? When you need to pump up your confidence, do some high-power poses in private.

Raise your arms up over your head in a victory stance, stand with your hands on your hips--just make yourself bigger. It can give you the confidence you need to ask for what you want, help you to succeed in high-pressure situations, and give you the confidence to be your authentic self--and all in only two minutes!

This is just one of many simple yet profound strategies that can really change your life in amazing ways. Join me at the Whitby Courthouse Theatre on January 16th at 7-8:30pm and discover more strategies for living your greatest, most powerful life.

 

It's not too late!!!

 

Your Life, Your Design

 

Your Life, Your Design is the one program that will truly ignite the courage within you to live your best life. In this 90-minute seminar, you'll:

 

#1. Learn how to get from where you are now to exactly where you want to be.

 

#2. Release anything that's getting in the way of what you want to do, be, or have.

 

#3. Uncover your true authentic self.

 

#4. Gain the courage to live the life of your heart's desires.

 

#5. Free yourself from non-physical trappings, such as unhealthy thinking and negative belief systems.

 

#6. Let go of the fears that keeps you stuck and struggling.

 

#7. Uncover what you truly want and move forward into a happier future.

 

#8. Discover your purpose and gain true fulfillment.

 

Where? When? How Much?

 

This step by step journey to designing--and living--your best life takes place on:

 

Wednesday, January 16, 2013

7pm - 8:30pm

 

 

Whitby Courthouse Theatre

416 Centre St. South

Whitby, ON

 

 

Introductory Price

 

$49/Person

 

Or make two easy payments of $24.50/month

 

Please forward this message to your friends! In fact . . . 

 

When you purchase 3 or more tickets, we reduce your ticket price to

$39/person!

 

Mastercard and Visa are accepted

 

To Register:

 

Call 1-877-553-7397

 or

Email: operator@denisemarek.com