How to Get Rid of Worry Series: Step Three - Let Go of the Uncontrollable

If you’re afraid that letting go of worry will be impossible, let me assure you that you can kick the habit, no matter who you are, where you’ve been, or what you’re going through. This former chronic worrier did, and you can, too!

So far in this How to Get Rid of Worry series, you’ve learned to: Challenge Your Assumptions and Act to Control the Controllable. Now we’re moving onto the third step in the CALM process:

L = Let Go of the Uncontrollable

In CALM, you’ll find 52 worry-busting strategies that have helped me and thousands of others who have attended my seminars and keynotes over the years to kick the worry-habit. Some of them will help you erase your anxieties. Others have been designed to help your body recover from the physical toll that stress takes on it. 

Here are three strategies you can implement today to help you kick the worry habit:

• Eliminate worry-inducing words from your vocabulary. Words such as should, can’t, no one, everyone, always, and never create a great deal of anxiety. Write down what you’re stressed about and circle all the worry-inducing words. Then replace them with terms such as could, prefer, can, choose not to, some people, sometimes, and occasionally. These replacement words are calming and they also tend to be more accurate.

• Trust yourself. You’ve already handled everything that life has dealt to you; trust you’ll be able to handle whatever else comes your way. Affirm: I have the skills I need to solve problems. I have survived and thrived beyond challenges in the past, and I trust that if the need arises, I can do it again!

• Have faith in happy endings. Calm your mind today by imagining the best for tomorrow. Click here to read a past blog post on how to do just that.

This week, while you’re letting go of the uncontrollable, continue acting to control the controllable and challenging your assumptions. There is one more step to add to the mix and that is to Master your Mind. Next week, you’ll find out how to use that fourth step to guard against negative thinking. Until then, keep well!

Are You an Impeccable Communicator?

My 7-year-old niece Erin came up to my brother-in-law, a worried expression on her face, “Do you know what would be really sad? It would be really sad if both you and mom died.” She told him she had been worrying that if they both died, she would be shipped off to live with people she didn’t know.

My brother-in-law comforted her by saying, “It’s not very likely that something will happen to both me and mom; but we do have a plan just in case something happens.” He talked to her about wills and that if something happened to both my sister and him, she would live with me—Auntie Denise.

When my sister told me the story, I asked, “Did that make her feel better?”

“Better?” she said with a smile, “She’s probably poisoning my tea as we speak!”

Honest and open communication is a key component in clearing up the negative assumptions that can generate worry. To be the very best leader possible—whether you’re leading your family, community, or those in your organization—you’ve got to become an impeccable communicator. That means you’ve got to make yourself capable of telling the truth.

This takes courage because sometimes you’ll need to tell people things they might not want to hear and sometimes you’ll need to talk about things you’re not sure they can handle. My brother-in-law, for instance, could have decided his 7-year-old daughter wasn’t ready to hear about wills and simply said, “Don’t worry; nothing will happen to both of us.” Yet what do you suppose would have occurred if that major part of the puzzle had been withheld? Erin would have been left to draw her own conclusions—which would likely have been incorrect—and she would have continued to worry.

The same holds true in the workplace. When leaders are not open and honest about where they’re going, what’s not working, and what changes need to be made, rumours spread. People are left to draw their own conclusions, which can end up creating a lot of fear and confusion. It’s like Jack Welch said at the 2006 World Business Forum in New York City during his talk on strategy: “No secrets or cover ups. You’ve got to tell the truth. Cover ups cause most of the problems.”  One of those problems is worry.

What if the information you have to tell people is potentially frightening news? Doesn’t that just create more worry and anxious feelings? In this case, people will be dealing with the facts instead of negative assumptions and are then in a position to take action in controlling the things within their control—which goes a long way to help calm a worried mind.

Choose to help others eliminate the negative assumptions that cause stress and worry by becoming an impeccable communicator. Give the facts and tell the truth. Allow your open and honest approach to give those you live with, love, and lead, the peace of mind they deserve.