How to Get Rid of Worry Series: Step Four - Master Your Mind

The time has come to take control of your thinking and to choose where you focus your thoughts. You have the ability to put an end to destructive mental chatter and adopt a positive inner dialogue. You can do so by adding the fourth step in the CALM process:

M = Master your Mind

One of the ways to master your mind is to accentuate the positive. But how do you do that when you’re smack-dab in the middle of a worrisome situation? The trick is to stop focusing on what might go wrong and instead ask yourself: What might go right?

This is an important habit to master, because when you dwell on what might not work out, you compound your worries. However, when you direct your thoughts in the other direction, you calm yourself. Does focusing on what might go right mean that you pretend the negatives don’t exist? Not at all--you simply choose to avoid being consumed by them. Instead, you emphasize what’s good, knowing that this will give you the hope, inspiration and determination to believe in the possibility of a favorable outcome, and in doing so, soothe your worried mind.

Another way to accentuate the positive is to ask yourself: What is the hidden blessing? Often hidden in even your most difficult experiences, are incredible gifts that can benefit you in significant ways. Looking for the blessing in a bleak situation can go a long way toward cultivating inner peace. Don’t get me wrong--I’m not suggesting that you need to be smiling all the time. Life has its ups and downs, and during those down times, it’s okay to feel frustrated. But let’s face it, as tempting as it can be, if you dwell on the negatives too long, you’ll only feel worse. However, when you choose to find the blessing, in addition to freeing your mind from worry, you’ll also discover gifts which can help you to create the best you that you can be and the best life you can possibly live.

Next time you find yourself in the middle of a stressful situation, take control of your thinking by accentuating the positive. Ask yourself: What might go right? What is the hidden blessing? See for yourself how these questions can help you shift your outlook from negative to positive and calm your worried mind.

How to Get Rid of Worry Series: Step Three - Let Go of the Uncontrollable

If you’re afraid that letting go of worry will be impossible, let me assure you that you can kick the habit, no matter who you are, where you’ve been, or what you’re going through. This former chronic worrier did, and you can, too!

So far in this How to Get Rid of Worry series, you’ve learned to: Challenge Your Assumptions and Act to Control the Controllable. Now we’re moving onto the third step in the CALM process:

L = Let Go of the Uncontrollable

In CALM, you’ll find 52 worry-busting strategies that have helped me and thousands of others who have attended my seminars and keynotes over the years to kick the worry-habit. Some of them will help you erase your anxieties. Others have been designed to help your body recover from the physical toll that stress takes on it. 

Here are three strategies you can implement today to help you kick the worry habit:

• Eliminate worry-inducing words from your vocabulary. Words such as should, can’t, no one, everyone, always, and never create a great deal of anxiety. Write down what you’re stressed about and circle all the worry-inducing words. Then replace them with terms such as could, prefer, can, choose not to, some people, sometimes, and occasionally. These replacement words are calming and they also tend to be more accurate.

• Trust yourself. You’ve already handled everything that life has dealt to you; trust you’ll be able to handle whatever else comes your way. Affirm: I have the skills I need to solve problems. I have survived and thrived beyond challenges in the past, and I trust that if the need arises, I can do it again!

• Have faith in happy endings. Calm your mind today by imagining the best for tomorrow. Click here to read a past blog post on how to do just that.

This week, while you’re letting go of the uncontrollable, continue acting to control the controllable and challenging your assumptions. There is one more step to add to the mix and that is to Master your Mind. Next week, you’ll find out how to use that fourth step to guard against negative thinking. Until then, keep well!

How to Get Rid of Worry - Step Two: Act to Control the Controllable

If there was a way you could stop worrying and truly move forward in your life, wouldn’t you want to know about it? There is! The CALM process, outlined in this How to Get Rid of Worry series, is a simple yet powerful formula that will help you to stop worrying and reconnect with the inner peace you desire and deserve.

Last month, we looked at the first step: Challenge Your Assumptions. For many of your worries, challenging negative assumptions will be all you need to do in order to regain your inner peace. However if you’ve done so and still feel worried, move on to the next step in the CALM process: 

A = Act to Control the Controllable

Sometimes worry is prompting you to take action. For instance, concern about your health might be pushing you to see a doctor, consult a nutritionist, or start an exercise program. Stress over your lengthy do-to list might be urging you to delegate, prioritize, or take a time-management course. Financial worries might be compelling you to see a financial advisor, start tracking where you're spending your money, or talk to a credit counsellor.

Is your worry prompting you to take action? Brainstorm alone or with a partner and come up with a list of possible actions that your worries might be suggesting you take. Capture your ideas in writing--it will keep you focused and on track. 

With your action plan in place, you’ll now need courage and motivation to follow through. In CALM, the section on Act to Control the Controllable contains four questions designed to guide you in deciding whether the action you’re considering is worth taking. It also teaches you how to let go of the fears that can stop you from taking action, and gives you ideas that will put the powers of belief and influence to work for you. 


Next week, I’ll send you one of those techniques to help you move forward. Until then, keep challenging your assumptions and taking action to control the controllable! In doing so you'll discover one step at a time, one worry at a time, you'll calm your worried mind.

How to Get Rid of Worry - Step One: Challenge Your Assumptions

No matter how much you’ve worried in the past or are doing so right now, you can let go of this emotion. I know you can, because I did. I was once a chronic worrier. I fretted about my weight and appearance, making mistakes, my job, money, and being alone. Was I loveable, likeable, or good enough? You name it, and I worried about it.

Yet here I am today-a nonworrier. I’m calm, content, and filled with joy. If I could get here, you can, too! During this How to Get Rid of Worry series, you’ll discover the strategies that really helped me. If you apply these same techniques to your own life, you’ll stop worrying. It’s that simple. This month, we’ll focus on the first step.

C = Challenge Your Assumptions: 

Most worries often begin as “What-if” questions. What if my kids make bad choices? What if I don’t have enough money to pay the bills? What if I try and don’t succeed? What if? What if? What if?

Anytime you answer those scary questions with a negative assumption, an enormous amount of worry can set in. That’s why the first step in the CALM process is so crucial: Challenge your assumptions. But how do you go about dong that? After all, they’re what makes sense to you, so how can you break free? 

In my book CALM, you can read about six “assumption busting” questions that will help you challenge your own assumptions. Here’s one you can use right now: Is it probable? 

Often when we’re dwelling on things that could go wrong, we ask Is it possible that what I’m worried about will happen? The answer is yes, of course it’s possible--anything can happen. That’s why, when we think about the unlimited options of what might go wrong in any given situation, an enormous amount of anxiety can set it. To regain your inner peace, shift the query to Is it probable? In other words, you can wonder, Is it likely that what I’m worried about will happen? By simply changing the focus in this small way, you’ll gain a better perspective. Try it for yourself:

Step 1: Write down the thing that you’re worried might happen.

Step 2: Rate the probability of it actually happening on a scale of 1 to 10. (1 = least likely to happen; 10 = most likely to happen.)

• Did you rate your worry a 5 or less? That’s a pretty good indication that what you’re worried about won’t happen.

• Did you rate your worry a 9 or less? It’s estimated that at least 90 percent of the things you’re concerned about won’t happen. Even if you rated the probability at a 9, there’s a good change that what’s making you anxious still isn’t going to occur.

• Did you rate your worry a 10? If this is the case, you feel that this scenario is extremely likely to happen. But there’s hope: The next three steps in the CALM process will help you let go of your anxieties--even the ones with a 10 rating!

Next month we will move onto the second step in the CALM process: Act to Control the Controllable. Until then, continue to challenge your assumptions so that you can reconnect with the inner peace that worry crowds out.

For more information: Visit www.denisemarek.com

Have Faith in Happy Endings

Calm your mind today, by having faith in a brighter tomorrow.

I remember being in the hospital when I was a young girl, in excruciating pain with a horribly infected leg. Four days earlier, I had somehow managed to plunge a steak knife deep into the side of my right knee. I was 12 years old and hadn’t been concentrating on what I was doing, until I realized I had a knife sticking out of my leg. I yanked it out and screamed for my older sister to call an ambulance. She wrapped my leg with a tea towel-turned-tourniquet and called my mother at work to come take me to the hospital. There I had my wound bandaged up and was sent home.

           

The next day, my knee really started to hurt. I was limping around the house and complaining about the pain to my family, who assumed I was laying it on thick just to get attention. I was a 12-year-old with a wound that didn’t even require stitches, so it was a fairly reasonable assumption. However, it was incorrect. I wasn’t exaggerating and by the end of the third day, my knee had more than doubled in size. I was in so much pain I could not get out of bed, and by now it was very obvious that I wasn’t just vying for attention.

           

As I was unable to move without screaming in agony, my mom called an ambulance to take me to the hospital. The paramedics arrived, saw how much pain I was in, and suggested my mother just pack my knee in ice rather than try to move me. They assumed there wasn’t anything seriously wrong with my knee and all I required was some ice to bring down the swelling—another incorrect assumption. The next morning, after having been iced for the night, my knee was even worse, swelling to a size bigger than my head.

           

“This is ridiculous,” my stepfather said. “I’ll take you to the hospital myself.” While I cried in pain, he and my mom carried me down the stairs of our house and drove me back to the hospital. The admittance nurse took one look at me, rushed me into an examination room, and within a matter of minutes a swarm of doctors were hovering over my leg. I was relieved to be at the hospital, finally getting the attention I needed. I was sure I’d be fixed up in no time. Little did I know the doctor in the hall outside the examination room was telling my mom that my leg would likely have to be amputated. Amputation had never even crossed my mind. At the age of 12, I believed people went to the hospital to get better, not to get things cut off!

           

Thankfully, my mom was against idea and asked them to first do everything possible to save my leg. They agreed to treat it with intravenously administered antibiotics but warned they would only be able to use that course of action for a short time before running the risk of the infection spreading. An operation was also scheduled for the following day to drain some of the fluid from my knee and I was admitted to a hospital room. Even though the pain was unbearable, I took comfort knowing I would soon be better.

After a night of antibiotics, the swelling started to subside and the operation to drain my knee was postponed 24 hours. On the third day in the hospital, I was still unable to move my leg without a huge amount of pain but my knee was getting better. The doctors were astonished. The operation was postponed another day, then another, and another. A week later, without surgery, my knee had healed. I was released from the hospital and, with the help of crutches—and both of my legs—I hobbled home. A month later, I was running around as though the entire ordeal had never occurred. It was then that my mom explained just how close I had come to having my leg amputated.

This experience illustrates the value of challenging your assumptions. Incorrect assumptions almost cost me my leg. However, there is another equally important message and that is to have faith in happy endings. Happy endings happen all the time. 

• A man with cancer hears from his doctor that the cancer is in remission. 
• A woman who has had difficulty conceiving finds out she’s pregnant or adopts her first child. 
• A teenager who has been told she would never walk again leaves her wheelchair and takes her first few steps. 
• My own mother, who had been told her child’s leg might have to be amputated, believed in the possibility of happy endings when she asked the doctors to first do whatever they could to avoid amputation. One month later she watched that same child run around on two healthy legs. 

When you find yourself smack dab in the middle of a worrisome situation, calm your mind by acknowledging that it’s just as possible that a happy ending can happen for you, too.

It’s important to understand that I’m not asking you to believe in a fairy-tale “happily ever after” ending, where the prince and princess spend the rest of their lives in uninterrupted harmony. We all know that in the real world, along with the triumphs, victories, joy, and bliss, we will experience obstacles, disappointments, sorrow, and heartache right up to the very end of our lives. It’s a necessary part of life. If we had all highs and no lows, we wouldn’t grow. 

And unlike a fairy tale, your life is not just one long story. It’s a multitude of stories, each made up of many, many chapters and each chapter with its own beginning and end. During the difficult chapters of your life, I’m asking you to believe that a favorable outcome is possible. I’m suggesting you consider putting an end to your worry by having faith in happy endings instead of wasting your energy worrying about the worst possible outcome.

We waste far too much time worrying about things that never actually happen. That’s why we’re told: Don’t cross that bridge before you come to it. Having faith in happy endings will assist you in following this sage advice. Yet, what if you believe in a favorable outcome and end up with a not-so-happy ending? Would focusing on the best-case scenario have been a foolish waste of time? Not at all. Worrying wouldn’t have helped or changed the outcome. No amount of worrying will make tomorrow better. What you can do, however, is make today better by imagining the best for tomorrow.

When dealing with a difficult situation, challenge your assumptions, take action to control what you can control, and then let worry go. Every time I see the tiny scar on the side of my right knee or think of my mother’s powerful advocacy at the hospital, I know that happy endings are indeed possible. Have faith that a happy ending will happen for you.

An excerpt from CALM: A Proven Four-Step Process Designed Specifically for Women Who Worry by Denise Marek