How to Get Rid of Worry Series: Step Three - Let Go of the Uncontrollable

If you’re afraid that letting go of worry will be impossible, let me assure you that you can kick the habit, no matter who you are, where you’ve been, or what you’re going through. This former chronic worrier did, and you can, too!

So far in this How to Get Rid of Worry series, you’ve learned to: Challenge Your Assumptions and Act to Control the Controllable. Now we’re moving onto the third step in the CALM process:

L = Let Go of the Uncontrollable

In CALM, you’ll find 52 worry-busting strategies that have helped me and thousands of others who have attended my seminars and keynotes over the years to kick the worry-habit. Some of them will help you erase your anxieties. Others have been designed to help your body recover from the physical toll that stress takes on it. 

Here are three strategies you can implement today to help you kick the worry habit:

• Eliminate worry-inducing words from your vocabulary. Words such as should, can’t, no one, everyone, always, and never create a great deal of anxiety. Write down what you’re stressed about and circle all the worry-inducing words. Then replace them with terms such as could, prefer, can, choose not to, some people, sometimes, and occasionally. These replacement words are calming and they also tend to be more accurate.

• Trust yourself. You’ve already handled everything that life has dealt to you; trust you’ll be able to handle whatever else comes your way. Affirm: I have the skills I need to solve problems. I have survived and thrived beyond challenges in the past, and I trust that if the need arises, I can do it again!

• Have faith in happy endings. Calm your mind today by imagining the best for tomorrow. Click here to read a past blog post on how to do just that.

This week, while you’re letting go of the uncontrollable, continue acting to control the controllable and challenging your assumptions. There is one more step to add to the mix and that is to Master your Mind. Next week, you’ll find out how to use that fourth step to guard against negative thinking. Until then, keep well!

How to Get Rid of Worry - Step Two: Act to Control the Controllable

If there was a way you could stop worrying and truly move forward in your life, wouldn’t you want to know about it? There is! The CALM process, outlined in this How to Get Rid of Worry series, is a simple yet powerful formula that will help you to stop worrying and reconnect with the inner peace you desire and deserve.

Last month, we looked at the first step: Challenge Your Assumptions. For many of your worries, challenging negative assumptions will be all you need to do in order to regain your inner peace. However if you’ve done so and still feel worried, move on to the next step in the CALM process: 

A = Act to Control the Controllable

Sometimes worry is prompting you to take action. For instance, concern about your health might be pushing you to see a doctor, consult a nutritionist, or start an exercise program. Stress over your lengthy do-to list might be urging you to delegate, prioritize, or take a time-management course. Financial worries might be compelling you to see a financial advisor, start tracking where you're spending your money, or talk to a credit counsellor.

Is your worry prompting you to take action? Brainstorm alone or with a partner and come up with a list of possible actions that your worries might be suggesting you take. Capture your ideas in writing--it will keep you focused and on track. 

With your action plan in place, you’ll now need courage and motivation to follow through. In CALM, the section on Act to Control the Controllable contains four questions designed to guide you in deciding whether the action you’re considering is worth taking. It also teaches you how to let go of the fears that can stop you from taking action, and gives you ideas that will put the powers of belief and influence to work for you. 


Next week, I’ll send you one of those techniques to help you move forward. Until then, keep challenging your assumptions and taking action to control the controllable! In doing so you'll discover one step at a time, one worry at a time, you'll calm your worried mind.

Love, Leap, and Learn by Denise Marek

Are you putting your life on hold until? Are you waiting to truly live and enjoy your life until the timing is perfect, until the person to whom you commit is perfect, or until you are perfect? "What kind of an ego game is that?" asked Marianne Williamson during her keynote at the Hay House I Can Do It! conference in Toronto (May 2011.) She continued, "Don't wait to show up until you're perfect . . . it's not going to happen."

Marianne’s words reminded me of the time in my own life when I had put my happiness on hold because I was waiting to be at my perfect body weight. I can remember thinking, When I’m at the perfect weight, then I’ll buy the clothes I want. When I’m at the perfect weight, then I’ll like myself. When I’m at the perfect weight everything in my life will be perfect too. In my quest to achieve my perfect weight, I went on a diet and I lost weight—and I kept on losing weight until one day I stepped out of the shower, saw my reflection in the mirror, and discovered I had become much too thin. I had gone from one extreme to the other—and “perfect” never came.

That was an ah-ha moment for me. I realized the “perfect” body weight I had created in my mind was an illusion. I had been putting my enjoyment of life and acceptance of myself on hold until I achieved something that didn’t even exist. That awareness changed my thinking and consequently my life.

The reason I’m sharing this very personal story with you is to wake you up from any ego games that you may be playing with yourself. To make you aware of any faulty perceptions—created in your past—which are controlling your enjoyment of today. Are you letting wonderful moments and life-enhancing opportunities pass you by because you are waiting for a standard that doesn’t even exist? It’s time to stop playing ego games. Ask yourself: Why am I waiting?

Be honest with yourself. Why are you waiting? Is it because your intuition is guiding you to do so? Sometimes following your gut feelings can help you live a happy and fulfilling life and ensure that you don’t settle for less than you desire and deserve. However, if you’re waiting for “perfection” it can serve as an excuse to not take any action. We can use it to protect ourselves because we’re afraid: afraid of making a mistake or of getting hurt. Maybe you have fears about not being worthy, deserving, or capable of living your best life.

If fear is holding you back, the way to move past it is to love, to leap, and to learn.

Love:    Choose to love and accept yourself exactly as you are in this moment. It doesn’t mean you must abandon your desire to become the best you possible. In fact, in truly loving who you are today, you’ll begin to naturally feed your mind, body, and soul everything required to become your strongest and healthiest self. In addition, the more you love yourself, the more you will come to discover that whatever you previously viewed in yourself as imperfect was—from a soul perspective—perfect all along. Affirm: I am at peace with myself. I love and accept myself knowing that what I once viewed as imperfect was actually perfect all along.

Leap:    Leap into your life. Stop waiting until or you could miss out on even more opportunities and joyful experiences. Believe in yourself and trust that you are ready. Affirm: My ideal path is revealed to me and I take a leap of faith trusting I’m protected every step of the way.

Learn:   Rather than worrying about the possibility of making a mistake or getting hurt, marvel at your incredible ability to learn from each experience. Take all your experiences and use them to your advantage. Use them to uncover what works for you and what you want for your life. When something doesn’t turn out the way you had anticipated, learn from it and trust that each experience has tremendous value. Then—loving yourself—modify your actions, and leap again until you get the outcome for which you were looking. Affirm: Every experience is my teacher. I learn easily and look with gratitude at the stronger, wiser me that has now been revealed.

Wake up from ego games. Stop putting your life on hold. Your best life is here—in this very moment. You are ready; go for it! You are strong, worthy, and capable; you can do it! The wait is over. Love, leap, and learn—the time to live is now.