Forgot Why You Came?

Have you ever walked into a room with a purpose only to forget what that purpose was when you entered the room? We've all had it happen. University of Notre Dame Psychology Professor, Gabriel Radvansky, has discovered the reason why it occurs.

It's called an "event boundary." The doorway you walk through acts as a mental trigger to separate the thoughts you had in the previous room. It causes your mind to compartmentalize those thoughts making it difficult to remember why you entered the next room.

Understanding why things happen the way they do can help you to break through beliefs that are holding you back. For instance, think back to a time when you forgot why you entered a room. Did you jump to a negative assumption about yourself? Perhaps you said, "I'm so forgetful." Maybe you told yourself, "I'm getting old!"

Those kinds of thoughts are non-physical trappings that keep you stuck and struggling. Yet, now you know those thoughts were not true. It wasn't you that caused your mind to forget, it was the doorway! With the awareness of the truth, it becomes easier to drop the negative assumptions about yourself.

It's time to free yourself from thoughts and belief systems that are holding you back from living your best and happiest life. Join me on January 16, 2013 in Whitby, ON. Allow the doorway of the Whitby Courthouse Theatre to become an "event boundary" in which your daily, repetitive thoughts are filed away for an evening providing you with a blank slate for new decisions and actions--decisions and actions that will empower you to create your best life.

Until then, the next time you forget why you entered a room, be thankful for the mental blank slate the doorway has created; and, remember--what gets written on that slate next is up to you.

Over 50% Sold Out!!!

Denise Marek's new seminar also makes a meaningful gift idea for a friend, family member, or work party gift exchange, stocking stuffer, and/or a gift to share the joy of a transformed 2013!

Your Life, Your Design

Your Life, Your Design is the one program that will truly ignite the courage within you to live your best life. In this 90-minute seminar, you'll:

#1. Learn how to get from where you are now to exactly where you want to be.

#2. Release anything that's getting in the way of what you want to do, be, or have.

#3. Uncover your true authentic self.

#4. Gain the courage to live the life of your heart's desires.

#5. Free yourself from non-physical trappings, such as unhealthy thinking and negative belief systems.

#6. Let go of the fears that keeps you stuck and struggling.

#7. Uncover what you truly want and move forward into a happier future.

#8. Discover your purpose and gain true fulfillment.

Where? When? How Much?

This step by step journey to designing--and living--your best life takes place on:

Wednesday, January 16, 2013

7pm - 8:30pm

Whitby Courthouse Theatre

416 Centre St. South

Whitby, ON

Introductory Price

$49/Person

Or make two easy payments of $24.50/month

Please forward this message to your friends! In fact . . . 

When you purchase 3 or more tickets, we reduce your ticket price to$39/person!

Over 50% Sold Out!

Don't miss this -- Because this introductory rate is so low combined with the fact that theatre seating is limited to 160, you'll want to book today -- this life-changing seminar will sell out!

Mastercard and Visa are accepted

To Register:

Call 1-877-553-7397

 or

Email: operator@denisemarek.com

The Crystal Ball

Will YOU be poor and unhappy

or prosperous and joy-filled?

John Maxwell writes, "We need to understand that the value we place on ourselves is usually the value others place on us, too. One of my favorite stories is about a man who went to fortune-teller to hear what she had to say about his future. She looked into a crystal ball and said, "You will be poor and unhappy until you are 45 years old."

"Then what will happen?" asked the man hopefully.

"Then you'll get used to it."'

Maxwell goes on to say, "That's the way most people live their lives--according to what others believe about them. If the important people in their lives expect them to go nowhere, then that's what they expect for themselves. That's fine if you're surrounded by people who believe in you. But what if you're not?"

How you feel about yourself right now is largely dictated by past experiences. Positive past experiences, including receiving lots of love, being valued and respected, and receiving constructive criticism along with appropriate praise and encouragement—can lead to a positive, realistic view of oneself and healthy self-acceptance. You'll value yourself and believe you can do great things with your life. And, because you believe you can, you can!

On the other hand, negative past experiences such as being ignored, criticized, ridiculed, teased, or picked on regularly; and being surrounded by unrealistically demanding parents or teachers, can lead to a negative view of oneself, a lack of self-confidence, feelings of inferiority, and a great deal of self-doubt. When you are filled with self-doubt, dreams of creating a magnificent life will often be thwarted by the belief that it's not really possible for you. And, because you believe you can't, you can't.

Here's the good news. Actually, it's really good news: You no longer have to believe in the thoughts that hold you back. It's your choice to change those thoughts and begin believing in the truth that you are valuable and you are capable of designing and living your best life.

How? Become aware of your limiting thoughts and then consciously change them into more empowering truths. Using the fortune-teller example, suppose someone said to you:

"You will be poor and unhappy."

Rather than allowing those words to fill you with fear and despair, immediately change the thought. You could tell yourself:

"That may be true for some but it's certainly not true for me. Opportunity and prosperity meet me around every corner."

Start guarding against negative self-talk. You get to choose what you think. Fill your mind with beliefs that fill you with hope instead of fear. You are valuable; and your dreams and goals really can come true!

You deserve to live your best life. No matter who you are, where you are, or what you've been through, find comfort in the fact that it's not too late for you. You can move forward and transform your life forever!

Take the first step today -- choose to join Denise Marek as she presents her BRAND NEW power-packed presentation:

NEW!!!

Your Life, Your Design

Your Life, Your Design is the one program that will truly ignite the courage within you to live your best life. In this 90-minute seminar, you'll:

#1. Learn how to get from where you are now to exactly where you want to be.

#2. Release anything that's getting in the way of what you want to do, be, or have.

#3. Uncover your true authentic self.

#4. Gain the courage to live the life of your heart's desires.

#5. Free yourself from non-physical trappings, such as unhealthy thinking and negative belief systems.

#6. Let go of the fears that keeps you stuck and struggling.

#7. Uncover what you truly want and move forward into a happier future.

#8. Discover your purpose and gain true fulfillment.

Denise Marek's new seminar also makes a meaningful gift idea for a friend, family member, or work party gift exchange, stocking stuffer, and/or a gift to share the joy of a transformed 2013!

Where? When? How Much?

This step by step journey to designing--and living--your best life takes place on:

Wednesday, January 16, 2013

7pm - 8:30pm

Whitby Courthouse Theatre

416 Centre St. South

Whitby, ON

Introductory Price

$49/Person

Or make two easy payments of $24.50/month

Please forward this message to your friends! In fact . . . 

When you purchase 3 or more tickets, we reduce your ticket price to$39/person!

Don't miss this -- Because this introductory rate is so low combined with the fact that theatre seating is limited to 160, you'll want to book today -- this life-changing seminar will sell out!

Mastercard and Visa are accepted

To Register:

Call 1-877-553-7397

 or

Email: operator@denisemarek.com

The Top Five Regrets of the Dying

An Australian palliative-care nurse named Bronnie Ware spent several years counseling individuals during the last 12 weeks of their lives. During the time she spent with them, she compiled their thoughts into a book called The Top Five Regrets of the Dying. These top five regrets were:

#5. I wish that I'd let myself be happier.

#4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

#3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.

#2. I wish I hadn't worked so hard.

What was the number one regret of the dying?

#1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

Take that in for a moment. Individuals who only had 12 weeks left on this planet were most burdened by the knowledge that they hadn't lived a life true to themselves.

I believe that's what living your best life is all about. It's living a life true to yourself. It's about knowing who you really are—your dreams, your passions, your values, your likes, and your dislikes—and honoring that. It's about letting go of trying to be who everyone else says you should be and embracing who you really are. It's about speaking your truth—saying no when you mean no and yes when you mean yes! And that most certainly does take courage.

You deserve to live a life true to yourself. No matter who you are, where you are, or what you've been through, find comfort in the fact that it's not too late for you to live a life true to yourself. You can move forward and transform your life forever!

Listen to the longing inside you and take the first step today -- choose to join Denise Marek as she presents her BRAND NEW power-packed presentation:

NEW!!!

Your Life, Your Design

Your Life, Your Design is the one program that will truly ignite the courage within you to live your best life. In this 90-minute seminar, you'll:

#1. Learn how to get from where you are now to exactly where you want to be.

#2. Release anything that's getting in the way of what you want to do, be, or have.

#3. Uncover your true authentic self.

#4. Gain the courage to live the life of your heart's desires.

#5. Free yourself from non-physical trappings, such as unhealthy thinking and negative belief systems.

#6. Let go of the fears that keeps you stuck and struggling.

#7. Uncover what you truly want and move forward into a happier future.

#8. Discover your purpose and gain true fulfillment.

Denise Marek's new seminar also makes a meaningful gift idea for a friend, family member, or work party gift exchange, stocking stuffer, and/or a gift to share the joy of a transformed 2013!

Where? When? How Much?

This step by step journey to designing--and living--your best life takes place on:

Wednesday, January 16, 2013

7pm - 8:30pm

Whitby Courthouse Theatre

416 Centre St. South

Whitby, ON

Introductory Price

$49/Person

Or make two easy payments of $24.50/month

Please forward this message to your friends! In fact . . . 

When you purchase 3 or more tickets, we reduce your ticket price to$39/person!

Don't miss this -- Because this introductory rate is so low combined with the fact that theatre seating is limited to 160, you'll want to book today -- this life-changing seminar will sell out!

Mastercard and Visa are accepted

To Register:

Call 1-877-553-7397

 or

Email: operator@denisemarek.com

A Fresh Perspective

Gaining a fresh perspective by seeking another’s point of view can work wonders to calm a worried mind.

To get untangled from a web of uncertainty, sometimes all we need is to talk to someone else and get a second opinion. Gaining a fresh perspective by seeking another's point of view can work wonders to solve problems, create hope, and calm a worried mind. But be careful--while there are many benefits, asking for help can be a little tricky.

The tricky part is not so much the how--in fact, how to ask for a second opinion is relatively easy. It can be as simple as saying, 

"This is the situation I'm in, and this is what I think. How do you see it?" 

This uncomplicated phrase can open the doors of communication and set the problem-solving process in motion.

The tricky part of this process is the who. You must be very selective in deciding whose advice you'll seek. If you poke around in a beehive in search of honey, you just might get stung! Whether you choose a close friend, a colleague, a relative, or even a casual acquaintance, here's what you need to know before you ask:

• Seek honest and realistic feedback. Ultimately, the goal of requesting a second opinion is to engage in a constructive, solution-seeking, perspective-gaining conversation. Don’t just look for someone to reinforce the ideas that you already have; choose a person who will provide an honest and realistic assessment of your situation.

• Beware of your "worry-buddies." These are those people in your life who fret as much--if not more--than you do. Asking them for second opinions can backfire! Their feedback may create an even bigger synergy of worry and uncertainty, due to their uncanny ability to point out improbable pitfalls and unlikely dangers that you hadn't thought of.

You don’t need to eliminate worry-buddies from your life. They can provide a certain amount of support, but if that's what you're looking for, make sure that it's exactly what you ask for. Say something like: 

"I just want your reassurance that everything is going to be okay." 

Encouragement from a good friend can go a long way; however, there are times when you require more than that. When you really need a true assessment of your situation, consider seeking advice from someone who worries less than you do and is capable of providing objectivity.

• Avoid negative thinkers. Steer clear of asking these folks for their perspective on your circumstances. A "down" force can have such a strong pull that you might find yourself even more confused and frustrated than you did before you asked for a second opinion.

• Choose an optimist. The very best person to talk to is someone who balances the "honest and realistic" approach with a healthy dose of optimism. I'm not talking about someone who provides false flattery or misleading reassurance. I mean someone who chooses to search for the most hopeful view in any situation.

A fresh perspective can help you identify and challenge incorrect assumptions. A single idea can show you a way around what appears to be a dead end, and just a glimmer of light cast on a different angle can help you find hope in a seemingly impossible situation. When you need help solving a problem--even the dilemma of a worried mind--talk to someone else and get a second opinion.

New: One-on-One Coaching with Denise Marek

One-on-one coaching with Denise Marek gives you the opportunity to review all areas of your life, re-energize, reduce stress and worry, discover your purpose and reignite passion for life.

Benefits:

1. Become more focused, motivated, and happy personally and professionally. 
2. Shorten the time-frame to achieving your goals.
3. Remove the barriers that stand between you and your full potential.
4. Bridge the gap between where you are now and where you'd like to be.
5. Increase your skills and capabilities by leading you to make positive changes in your attitudes and behavior.
6. Provides you with self-assurance, support, encouragement, and inspiration depending on your needs and the situation. 
7. Confidence in knowing all matters discussed are 100% confidential.

For more information, email:

operator@denisemarek.com

Your Life, Your Masterpiece

It is a joy to express my creativity. I have the power, strength, and knowledge to transform my life into a magnificent work of art.

What if you could transform your life into a work of art? In fact, what if you could make it an incredible masterpiece? You really can!

One of the ways to do so is illustrated well in a scene from the movie Bernie. In one part, Bernie (played by Jack Black) was enthralled with a man who was magnificently carving a bear out of a log with a chainsaw. When Bernie asked him how he did it, the man replied, “I wake up in the morning with an idea and cut away everything that ain’t that idea.”

That statement is quite profound and holds a key to creating a masterpiece of your life. First, know what you want to create. Second, cut out all that isn’t contributing to that vision. 

As simple as the first step seems, it is absolutely critical in creating your life’s masterpiece. What do you want for your life? Consider each area, including relationships, finances, career, health, and so on. When deciding what you want, make sure you focus on what you do want rather than what you don’t want. For instance, deciding you want to live in a strong, fit, energetic, healthy body, is focusing on what you do want . . . while telling yourself you don’t want to be sick, tired, and overweight is focusing on what you don’t want.

The reason it’s important to know what you do want is because what you focus on grows. It’s like planting a garden. If you know you want tomatoes, you plant tomato seeds. If all you know is that you don’t want cucumbers, you can end up planting anything but tomato seeds. As a result, you often end up with the very thing you don’t want—cucumbers!

Your thoughts are seeds. In fact, where you are today is a direct result of the “thought seeds” you planted in the past. Where you will be in the future is determined by the thoughts you are thinking—planting—right now. Will you want to be where and what you're thinking right now in the future? If not, now is the time to change your thinking. You are a master creator, so choose to think masterful thoughts. The first step to doing so is deciding what you want.

In addition, be sure to be as specific as possible. Let’s suppose you decide you want to “get fit.” What exactly do you mean by that? Do you want to improve your cardiovascular endurance? You need to be specific about what you want in that area. Perhaps it’s to run a half-marathon in three months’ time. Or, maybe it’s being able to walk at a specific speed for a certain distance. Whatever it is, be sure to capture your ideas on paper. Writing it all down will keep you focused and on track.

The second step is to “cut out” anything you don’t want in your life. As a simplistic example, suppose you want to accumulate a specific amount of wealth. What might you need to cut out? Perhaps it might be mindless spending, debt, and procrastination. Replace it with knowing exactly where you spend your money, creating a plan of action to pay off debt, and taking the time in the present to do the work you need to do to create what you desire.

This is your life to live, so begin transforming it into a work of art today. First, choose one area of your life in which you’ve been wanting to make a change. Decide exactly what you want to create in this area and plant those thoughts—those seeds—in your mind. Then decide what you need to cut away. Before you know it—one action at a time, one day at a time—your masterpiece will be revealed.

How to Get Rid of Worry Series: Step Four - Master Your Mind

The time has come to take control of your thinking and to choose where you focus your thoughts. You have the ability to put an end to destructive mental chatter and adopt a positive inner dialogue. You can do so by adding the fourth step in the CALM process:

M = Master your Mind

One of the ways to master your mind is to accentuate the positive. But how do you do that when you’re smack-dab in the middle of a worrisome situation? The trick is to stop focusing on what might go wrong and instead ask yourself: What might go right?

This is an important habit to master, because when you dwell on what might not work out, you compound your worries. However, when you direct your thoughts in the other direction, you calm yourself. Does focusing on what might go right mean that you pretend the negatives don’t exist? Not at all--you simply choose to avoid being consumed by them. Instead, you emphasize what’s good, knowing that this will give you the hope, inspiration and determination to believe in the possibility of a favorable outcome, and in doing so, soothe your worried mind.

Another way to accentuate the positive is to ask yourself: What is the hidden blessing? Often hidden in even your most difficult experiences, are incredible gifts that can benefit you in significant ways. Looking for the blessing in a bleak situation can go a long way toward cultivating inner peace. Don’t get me wrong--I’m not suggesting that you need to be smiling all the time. Life has its ups and downs, and during those down times, it’s okay to feel frustrated. But let’s face it, as tempting as it can be, if you dwell on the negatives too long, you’ll only feel worse. However, when you choose to find the blessing, in addition to freeing your mind from worry, you’ll also discover gifts which can help you to create the best you that you can be and the best life you can possibly live.

Next time you find yourself in the middle of a stressful situation, take control of your thinking by accentuating the positive. Ask yourself: What might go right? What is the hidden blessing? See for yourself how these questions can help you shift your outlook from negative to positive and calm your worried mind.

How to Get Rid of Worry Series: Step Three - Let Go of the Uncontrollable

If you’re afraid that letting go of worry will be impossible, let me assure you that you can kick the habit, no matter who you are, where you’ve been, or what you’re going through. This former chronic worrier did, and you can, too!

So far in this How to Get Rid of Worry series, you’ve learned to: Challenge Your Assumptions and Act to Control the Controllable. Now we’re moving onto the third step in the CALM process:

L = Let Go of the Uncontrollable

In CALM, you’ll find 52 worry-busting strategies that have helped me and thousands of others who have attended my seminars and keynotes over the years to kick the worry-habit. Some of them will help you erase your anxieties. Others have been designed to help your body recover from the physical toll that stress takes on it. 

Here are three strategies you can implement today to help you kick the worry habit:

• Eliminate worry-inducing words from your vocabulary. Words such as should, can’t, no one, everyone, always, and never create a great deal of anxiety. Write down what you’re stressed about and circle all the worry-inducing words. Then replace them with terms such as could, prefer, can, choose not to, some people, sometimes, and occasionally. These replacement words are calming and they also tend to be more accurate.

• Trust yourself. You’ve already handled everything that life has dealt to you; trust you’ll be able to handle whatever else comes your way. Affirm: I have the skills I need to solve problems. I have survived and thrived beyond challenges in the past, and I trust that if the need arises, I can do it again!

• Have faith in happy endings. Calm your mind today by imagining the best for tomorrow. Click here to read a past blog post on how to do just that.

This week, while you’re letting go of the uncontrollable, continue acting to control the controllable and challenging your assumptions. There is one more step to add to the mix and that is to Master your Mind. Next week, you’ll find out how to use that fourth step to guard against negative thinking. Until then, keep well!

How to Get Rid of Worry Series: Step Two (Cont'd) - Take Action for the Right Reasons

In the last post, you learned sometimes worry serves you and the value of taking action to control the things you can. To help you follow through on your action plan when you’re faced with fear of displeasing others, you want to ensure you take action for the right reasons.

Take Action for the Right Reasons

There are two types of actions. There are things you do for the wrong reasons, such as what you think others want you to do. Then there are actions you take for the right reasons, such as doing what you know is right for you. Sometimes those are the most frightening steps to take, but they’re also the ones that have the most significant impact on the quality of your life. 

I certainly understand how hard it can be to do what’s right for you when faced with the possibility of being judged. For that reason, here are two strategies to help deal with criticism--that I wrote about in book CALM:

• Consider the source. Who’s criticizing you? is it someone you trust, who you know loves you and wants the best for you? Or is it a “small thinker”? There will always be those people in the world who want to knock you down with their negative outlook. Don’t waste your energy trying to figure out why they judge you--it’s an unsolvable puzzle with missing pieces. Instead, invest your energy searching for people who inspire you, believe in you, and accept you for who you are.

• Care about what you think of yourself. You always have the choice between being concerned about what others think of you and caring about what you think of yourself. I strongly recommend that you choose the latter. Don’t sacrifice your life trying to please others. As my mom often said, “The people who love you are going to like you no matter what you do. But there will aways be some people who won’t like you no matter what you do. You can’t please everybody.” It’s time to stop trying to make everyone else happy and to begin being good to yourself.

The next time the fear of displeasing others or receiving criticism is stopping you from doing what you know is right for you, remember to consider the source and care about what you think of yourself. This will go a long way in helping you take action for the right reasons. 

While you’re taking action to control the controllable and while you’re continuing to challenge your assumptions, you’re ready to move on to the third step in the CALM process...and let go of the uncontrollable. The third step will help you to let go of worrying about those things that are beyond your control. It will be on it’s way to you next week. Until then, keep well!

For more information, click here.

How to Get Rid of Worry - Step Two: Act to Control the Controllable

If there was a way you could stop worrying and truly move forward in your life, wouldn’t you want to know about it? There is! The CALM process, outlined in this How to Get Rid of Worry series, is a simple yet powerful formula that will help you to stop worrying and reconnect with the inner peace you desire and deserve.

Last month, we looked at the first step: Challenge Your Assumptions. For many of your worries, challenging negative assumptions will be all you need to do in order to regain your inner peace. However if you’ve done so and still feel worried, move on to the next step in the CALM process: 

A = Act to Control the Controllable

Sometimes worry is prompting you to take action. For instance, concern about your health might be pushing you to see a doctor, consult a nutritionist, or start an exercise program. Stress over your lengthy do-to list might be urging you to delegate, prioritize, or take a time-management course. Financial worries might be compelling you to see a financial advisor, start tracking where you're spending your money, or talk to a credit counsellor.

Is your worry prompting you to take action? Brainstorm alone or with a partner and come up with a list of possible actions that your worries might be suggesting you take. Capture your ideas in writing--it will keep you focused and on track. 

With your action plan in place, you’ll now need courage and motivation to follow through. In CALM, the section on Act to Control the Controllable contains four questions designed to guide you in deciding whether the action you’re considering is worth taking. It also teaches you how to let go of the fears that can stop you from taking action, and gives you ideas that will put the powers of belief and influence to work for you. 


Next week, I’ll send you one of those techniques to help you move forward. Until then, keep challenging your assumptions and taking action to control the controllable! In doing so you'll discover one step at a time, one worry at a time, you'll calm your worried mind.

How to Get Rid of Worry - Step One: Challenge Your Assumptions

No matter how much you’ve worried in the past or are doing so right now, you can let go of this emotion. I know you can, because I did. I was once a chronic worrier. I fretted about my weight and appearance, making mistakes, my job, money, and being alone. Was I loveable, likeable, or good enough? You name it, and I worried about it.

Yet here I am today-a nonworrier. I’m calm, content, and filled with joy. If I could get here, you can, too! During this How to Get Rid of Worry series, you’ll discover the strategies that really helped me. If you apply these same techniques to your own life, you’ll stop worrying. It’s that simple. This month, we’ll focus on the first step.

C = Challenge Your Assumptions: 

Most worries often begin as “What-if” questions. What if my kids make bad choices? What if I don’t have enough money to pay the bills? What if I try and don’t succeed? What if? What if? What if?

Anytime you answer those scary questions with a negative assumption, an enormous amount of worry can set in. That’s why the first step in the CALM process is so crucial: Challenge your assumptions. But how do you go about dong that? After all, they’re what makes sense to you, so how can you break free? 

In my book CALM, you can read about six “assumption busting” questions that will help you challenge your own assumptions. Here’s one you can use right now: Is it probable? 

Often when we’re dwelling on things that could go wrong, we ask Is it possible that what I’m worried about will happen? The answer is yes, of course it’s possible--anything can happen. That’s why, when we think about the unlimited options of what might go wrong in any given situation, an enormous amount of anxiety can set it. To regain your inner peace, shift the query to Is it probable? In other words, you can wonder, Is it likely that what I’m worried about will happen? By simply changing the focus in this small way, you’ll gain a better perspective. Try it for yourself:

Step 1: Write down the thing that you’re worried might happen.

Step 2: Rate the probability of it actually happening on a scale of 1 to 10. (1 = least likely to happen; 10 = most likely to happen.)

• Did you rate your worry a 5 or less? That’s a pretty good indication that what you’re worried about won’t happen.

• Did you rate your worry a 9 or less? It’s estimated that at least 90 percent of the things you’re concerned about won’t happen. Even if you rated the probability at a 9, there’s a good change that what’s making you anxious still isn’t going to occur.

• Did you rate your worry a 10? If this is the case, you feel that this scenario is extremely likely to happen. But there’s hope: The next three steps in the CALM process will help you let go of your anxieties--even the ones with a 10 rating!

Next month we will move onto the second step in the CALM process: Act to Control the Controllable. Until then, continue to challenge your assumptions so that you can reconnect with the inner peace that worry crowds out.

For more information: Visit www.denisemarek.com