I am Grateful for You

At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person. Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us. 

~Albert Schweitzer

 

I know this to be true: Even seemingly small actions make a big difference in letting go of worry. One of those actions is to be thankful.

 

In my first book CALM, "being thankful" is one of the 52 worry-releasing strategies. I wrote, "Write a list of the things for which you're truly grateful. Focusing on them, instead of what you regret or worry about, will go a long way in building happiness and calming your mind. Spend a few moments at the beginning or end of each day to reflect on and appreciate the abundance you already possess."

 

One of the things that often shows up on my gratitude list is people. I'm grateful for my family, friends, clients, and I'm grateful for YOU--my subscribers. Your continued support, feedback, and stories inspire me to keep doing what I do and for that I am truly thankful.

 

There are people in your life right now for whom you are grateful. Who are they? Today, reach out and say thank you to those you lead, live with, and love. Ignite the torch of appreciation--it will help you to reconnect with your inner peace and it just might rekindle a spark in someone whose light is trying to shine a little brighter.

Have Faith in Happy Endings

Calm your mind today, by having faith in a brighter tomorrow.

I remember being in the hospital when I was a young girl, in excruciating pain with a horribly infected leg. Four days earlier, I had somehow managed to plunge a steak knife deep into the side of my right knee. I was 12 years old and hadn’t been concentrating on what I was doing, until I realized I had a knife sticking out of my leg. I yanked it out and screamed for my older sister to call an ambulance. She wrapped my leg with a tea towel-turned-tourniquet and called my mother at work to come take me to the hospital. There I had my wound bandaged up and was sent home.

           

The next day, my knee really started to hurt. I was limping around the house and complaining about the pain to my family, who assumed I was laying it on thick just to get attention. I was a 12-year-old with a wound that didn’t even require stitches, so it was a fairly reasonable assumption. However, it was incorrect. I wasn’t exaggerating and by the end of the third day, my knee had more than doubled in size. I was in so much pain I could not get out of bed, and by now it was very obvious that I wasn’t just vying for attention.

           

As I was unable to move without screaming in agony, my mom called an ambulance to take me to the hospital. The paramedics arrived, saw how much pain I was in, and suggested my mother just pack my knee in ice rather than try to move me. They assumed there wasn’t anything seriously wrong with my knee and all I required was some ice to bring down the swelling—another incorrect assumption. The next morning, after having been iced for the night, my knee was even worse, swelling to a size bigger than my head.

           

“This is ridiculous,” my stepfather said. “I’ll take you to the hospital myself.” While I cried in pain, he and my mom carried me down the stairs of our house and drove me back to the hospital. The admittance nurse took one look at me, rushed me into an examination room, and within a matter of minutes a swarm of doctors were hovering over my leg. I was relieved to be at the hospital, finally getting the attention I needed. I was sure I’d be fixed up in no time. Little did I know the doctor in the hall outside the examination room was telling my mom that my leg would likely have to be amputated. Amputation had never even crossed my mind. At the age of 12, I believed people went to the hospital to get better, not to get things cut off!

           

Thankfully, my mom was against idea and asked them to first do everything possible to save my leg. They agreed to treat it with intravenously administered antibiotics but warned they would only be able to use that course of action for a short time before running the risk of the infection spreading. An operation was also scheduled for the following day to drain some of the fluid from my knee and I was admitted to a hospital room. Even though the pain was unbearable, I took comfort knowing I would soon be better.

After a night of antibiotics, the swelling started to subside and the operation to drain my knee was postponed 24 hours. On the third day in the hospital, I was still unable to move my leg without a huge amount of pain but my knee was getting better. The doctors were astonished. The operation was postponed another day, then another, and another. A week later, without surgery, my knee had healed. I was released from the hospital and, with the help of crutches—and both of my legs—I hobbled home. A month later, I was running around as though the entire ordeal had never occurred. It was then that my mom explained just how close I had come to having my leg amputated.

This experience illustrates the value of challenging your assumptions. Incorrect assumptions almost cost me my leg. However, there is another equally important message and that is to have faith in happy endings. Happy endings happen all the time. 

• A man with cancer hears from his doctor that the cancer is in remission. 
• A woman who has had difficulty conceiving finds out she’s pregnant or adopts her first child. 
• A teenager who has been told she would never walk again leaves her wheelchair and takes her first few steps. 
• My own mother, who had been told her child’s leg might have to be amputated, believed in the possibility of happy endings when she asked the doctors to first do whatever they could to avoid amputation. One month later she watched that same child run around on two healthy legs. 

When you find yourself smack dab in the middle of a worrisome situation, calm your mind by acknowledging that it’s just as possible that a happy ending can happen for you, too.

It’s important to understand that I’m not asking you to believe in a fairy-tale “happily ever after” ending, where the prince and princess spend the rest of their lives in uninterrupted harmony. We all know that in the real world, along with the triumphs, victories, joy, and bliss, we will experience obstacles, disappointments, sorrow, and heartache right up to the very end of our lives. It’s a necessary part of life. If we had all highs and no lows, we wouldn’t grow. 

And unlike a fairy tale, your life is not just one long story. It’s a multitude of stories, each made up of many, many chapters and each chapter with its own beginning and end. During the difficult chapters of your life, I’m asking you to believe that a favorable outcome is possible. I’m suggesting you consider putting an end to your worry by having faith in happy endings instead of wasting your energy worrying about the worst possible outcome.

We waste far too much time worrying about things that never actually happen. That’s why we’re told: Don’t cross that bridge before you come to it. Having faith in happy endings will assist you in following this sage advice. Yet, what if you believe in a favorable outcome and end up with a not-so-happy ending? Would focusing on the best-case scenario have been a foolish waste of time? Not at all. Worrying wouldn’t have helped or changed the outcome. No amount of worrying will make tomorrow better. What you can do, however, is make today better by imagining the best for tomorrow.

When dealing with a difficult situation, challenge your assumptions, take action to control what you can control, and then let worry go. Every time I see the tiny scar on the side of my right knee or think of my mother’s powerful advocacy at the hospital, I know that happy endings are indeed possible. Have faith that a happy ending will happen for you.

An excerpt from CALM: A Proven Four-Step Process Designed Specifically for Women Who Worry by Denise Marek

Love, Leap, and Learn by Denise Marek

Are you putting your life on hold until? Are you waiting to truly live and enjoy your life until the timing is perfect, until the person to whom you commit is perfect, or until you are perfect? "What kind of an ego game is that?" asked Marianne Williamson during her keynote at the Hay House I Can Do It! conference in Toronto (May 2011.) She continued, "Don't wait to show up until you're perfect . . . it's not going to happen."

Marianne’s words reminded me of the time in my own life when I had put my happiness on hold because I was waiting to be at my perfect body weight. I can remember thinking, When I’m at the perfect weight, then I’ll buy the clothes I want. When I’m at the perfect weight, then I’ll like myself. When I’m at the perfect weight everything in my life will be perfect too. In my quest to achieve my perfect weight, I went on a diet and I lost weight—and I kept on losing weight until one day I stepped out of the shower, saw my reflection in the mirror, and discovered I had become much too thin. I had gone from one extreme to the other—and “perfect” never came.

That was an ah-ha moment for me. I realized the “perfect” body weight I had created in my mind was an illusion. I had been putting my enjoyment of life and acceptance of myself on hold until I achieved something that didn’t even exist. That awareness changed my thinking and consequently my life.

The reason I’m sharing this very personal story with you is to wake you up from any ego games that you may be playing with yourself. To make you aware of any faulty perceptions—created in your past—which are controlling your enjoyment of today. Are you letting wonderful moments and life-enhancing opportunities pass you by because you are waiting for a standard that doesn’t even exist? It’s time to stop playing ego games. Ask yourself: Why am I waiting?

Be honest with yourself. Why are you waiting? Is it because your intuition is guiding you to do so? Sometimes following your gut feelings can help you live a happy and fulfilling life and ensure that you don’t settle for less than you desire and deserve. However, if you’re waiting for “perfection” it can serve as an excuse to not take any action. We can use it to protect ourselves because we’re afraid: afraid of making a mistake or of getting hurt. Maybe you have fears about not being worthy, deserving, or capable of living your best life.

If fear is holding you back, the way to move past it is to love, to leap, and to learn.

Love:    Choose to love and accept yourself exactly as you are in this moment. It doesn’t mean you must abandon your desire to become the best you possible. In fact, in truly loving who you are today, you’ll begin to naturally feed your mind, body, and soul everything required to become your strongest and healthiest self. In addition, the more you love yourself, the more you will come to discover that whatever you previously viewed in yourself as imperfect was—from a soul perspective—perfect all along. Affirm: I am at peace with myself. I love and accept myself knowing that what I once viewed as imperfect was actually perfect all along.

Leap:    Leap into your life. Stop waiting until or you could miss out on even more opportunities and joyful experiences. Believe in yourself and trust that you are ready. Affirm: My ideal path is revealed to me and I take a leap of faith trusting I’m protected every step of the way.

Learn:   Rather than worrying about the possibility of making a mistake or getting hurt, marvel at your incredible ability to learn from each experience. Take all your experiences and use them to your advantage. Use them to uncover what works for you and what you want for your life. When something doesn’t turn out the way you had anticipated, learn from it and trust that each experience has tremendous value. Then—loving yourself—modify your actions, and leap again until you get the outcome for which you were looking. Affirm: Every experience is my teacher. I learn easily and look with gratitude at the stronger, wiser me that has now been revealed.

Wake up from ego games. Stop putting your life on hold. Your best life is here—in this very moment. You are ready; go for it! You are strong, worthy, and capable; you can do it! The wait is over. Love, leap, and learn—the time to live is now.

Are You an Impeccable Communicator?

My 7-year-old niece Erin came up to my brother-in-law, a worried expression on her face, “Do you know what would be really sad? It would be really sad if both you and mom died.” She told him she had been worrying that if they both died, she would be shipped off to live with people she didn’t know.

My brother-in-law comforted her by saying, “It’s not very likely that something will happen to both me and mom; but we do have a plan just in case something happens.” He talked to her about wills and that if something happened to both my sister and him, she would live with me—Auntie Denise.

When my sister told me the story, I asked, “Did that make her feel better?”

“Better?” she said with a smile, “She’s probably poisoning my tea as we speak!”

Honest and open communication is a key component in clearing up the negative assumptions that can generate worry. To be the very best leader possible—whether you’re leading your family, community, or those in your organization—you’ve got to become an impeccable communicator. That means you’ve got to make yourself capable of telling the truth.

This takes courage because sometimes you’ll need to tell people things they might not want to hear and sometimes you’ll need to talk about things you’re not sure they can handle. My brother-in-law, for instance, could have decided his 7-year-old daughter wasn’t ready to hear about wills and simply said, “Don’t worry; nothing will happen to both of us.” Yet what do you suppose would have occurred if that major part of the puzzle had been withheld? Erin would have been left to draw her own conclusions—which would likely have been incorrect—and she would have continued to worry.

The same holds true in the workplace. When leaders are not open and honest about where they’re going, what’s not working, and what changes need to be made, rumours spread. People are left to draw their own conclusions, which can end up creating a lot of fear and confusion. It’s like Jack Welch said at the 2006 World Business Forum in New York City during his talk on strategy: “No secrets or cover ups. You’ve got to tell the truth. Cover ups cause most of the problems.”  One of those problems is worry.

What if the information you have to tell people is potentially frightening news? Doesn’t that just create more worry and anxious feelings? In this case, people will be dealing with the facts instead of negative assumptions and are then in a position to take action in controlling the things within their control—which goes a long way to help calm a worried mind.

Choose to help others eliminate the negative assumptions that cause stress and worry by becoming an impeccable communicator. Give the facts and tell the truth. Allow your open and honest approach to give those you live with, love, and lead, the peace of mind they deserve.