Love, Leap, and Learn by Denise Marek

Are you putting your life on hold until? Are you waiting to truly live and enjoy your life until the timing is perfect, until the person to whom you commit is perfect, or until you are perfect? "What kind of an ego game is that?" asked Marianne Williamson during her keynote at the Hay House I Can Do It! conference in Toronto (May 2011.) She continued, "Don't wait to show up until you're perfect . . . it's not going to happen."

Marianne’s words reminded me of the time in my own life when I had put my happiness on hold because I was waiting to be at my perfect body weight. I can remember thinking, When I’m at the perfect weight, then I’ll buy the clothes I want. When I’m at the perfect weight, then I’ll like myself. When I’m at the perfect weight everything in my life will be perfect too. In my quest to achieve my perfect weight, I went on a diet and I lost weight—and I kept on losing weight until one day I stepped out of the shower, saw my reflection in the mirror, and discovered I had become much too thin. I had gone from one extreme to the other—and “perfect” never came.

That was an ah-ha moment for me. I realized the “perfect” body weight I had created in my mind was an illusion. I had been putting my enjoyment of life and acceptance of myself on hold until I achieved something that didn’t even exist. That awareness changed my thinking and consequently my life.

The reason I’m sharing this very personal story with you is to wake you up from any ego games that you may be playing with yourself. To make you aware of any faulty perceptions—created in your past—which are controlling your enjoyment of today. Are you letting wonderful moments and life-enhancing opportunities pass you by because you are waiting for a standard that doesn’t even exist? It’s time to stop playing ego games. Ask yourself: Why am I waiting?

Be honest with yourself. Why are you waiting? Is it because your intuition is guiding you to do so? Sometimes following your gut feelings can help you live a happy and fulfilling life and ensure that you don’t settle for less than you desire and deserve. However, if you’re waiting for “perfection” it can serve as an excuse to not take any action. We can use it to protect ourselves because we’re afraid: afraid of making a mistake or of getting hurt. Maybe you have fears about not being worthy, deserving, or capable of living your best life.

If fear is holding you back, the way to move past it is to love, to leap, and to learn.

Love:    Choose to love and accept yourself exactly as you are in this moment. It doesn’t mean you must abandon your desire to become the best you possible. In fact, in truly loving who you are today, you’ll begin to naturally feed your mind, body, and soul everything required to become your strongest and healthiest self. In addition, the more you love yourself, the more you will come to discover that whatever you previously viewed in yourself as imperfect was—from a soul perspective—perfect all along. Affirm: I am at peace with myself. I love and accept myself knowing that what I once viewed as imperfect was actually perfect all along.

Leap:    Leap into your life. Stop waiting until or you could miss out on even more opportunities and joyful experiences. Believe in yourself and trust that you are ready. Affirm: My ideal path is revealed to me and I take a leap of faith trusting I’m protected every step of the way.

Learn:   Rather than worrying about the possibility of making a mistake or getting hurt, marvel at your incredible ability to learn from each experience. Take all your experiences and use them to your advantage. Use them to uncover what works for you and what you want for your life. When something doesn’t turn out the way you had anticipated, learn from it and trust that each experience has tremendous value. Then—loving yourself—modify your actions, and leap again until you get the outcome for which you were looking. Affirm: Every experience is my teacher. I learn easily and look with gratitude at the stronger, wiser me that has now been revealed.

Wake up from ego games. Stop putting your life on hold. Your best life is here—in this very moment. You are ready; go for it! You are strong, worthy, and capable; you can do it! The wait is over. Love, leap, and learn—the time to live is now.

Are You an Impeccable Communicator?

My 7-year-old niece Erin came up to my brother-in-law, a worried expression on her face, “Do you know what would be really sad? It would be really sad if both you and mom died.” She told him she had been worrying that if they both died, she would be shipped off to live with people she didn’t know.

My brother-in-law comforted her by saying, “It’s not very likely that something will happen to both me and mom; but we do have a plan just in case something happens.” He talked to her about wills and that if something happened to both my sister and him, she would live with me—Auntie Denise.

When my sister told me the story, I asked, “Did that make her feel better?”

“Better?” she said with a smile, “She’s probably poisoning my tea as we speak!”

Honest and open communication is a key component in clearing up the negative assumptions that can generate worry. To be the very best leader possible—whether you’re leading your family, community, or those in your organization—you’ve got to become an impeccable communicator. That means you’ve got to make yourself capable of telling the truth.

This takes courage because sometimes you’ll need to tell people things they might not want to hear and sometimes you’ll need to talk about things you’re not sure they can handle. My brother-in-law, for instance, could have decided his 7-year-old daughter wasn’t ready to hear about wills and simply said, “Don’t worry; nothing will happen to both of us.” Yet what do you suppose would have occurred if that major part of the puzzle had been withheld? Erin would have been left to draw her own conclusions—which would likely have been incorrect—and she would have continued to worry.

The same holds true in the workplace. When leaders are not open and honest about where they’re going, what’s not working, and what changes need to be made, rumours spread. People are left to draw their own conclusions, which can end up creating a lot of fear and confusion. It’s like Jack Welch said at the 2006 World Business Forum in New York City during his talk on strategy: “No secrets or cover ups. You’ve got to tell the truth. Cover ups cause most of the problems.”  One of those problems is worry.

What if the information you have to tell people is potentially frightening news? Doesn’t that just create more worry and anxious feelings? In this case, people will be dealing with the facts instead of negative assumptions and are then in a position to take action in controlling the things within their control—which goes a long way to help calm a worried mind.

Choose to help others eliminate the negative assumptions that cause stress and worry by becoming an impeccable communicator. Give the facts and tell the truth. Allow your open and honest approach to give those you live with, love, and lead, the peace of mind they deserve.